Are you starting to see your bridesmaids’ eyes glaze over? Not sure they’re actually loving their hot pink gowns?
Aleisha McCormack of Save The Date Wedding Podcast knows your bridesmaids are your A-Team. The Ms T to the grey haired bloke with the cigar. They’re your close friends who know that they can be honest and open with you but also know when to pop a cork in it to prevent hurt feelings, tantrums and being socially outcast. So in view of that, here’s a list of the top ten things bridesmaids tell you vs. what they really think.
1. I really, really love the bridesmaid dress you chose. Off the shoulder, corset, ruffles…I will definitely wear it again. Definitely.
If I say ‘really’ and ‘definitely’ a LOT then maybe it will sound convincing, that after your wedding, the dress will not be permanently residing in the far reaches of my closet next to my £79 GOOP yoga mat and trainers that were guaranteed to make my bum look like Kim K’s.
2. Sure, attending dance classes to practise choreography for your elaborate opening number/aisle walk sounds fun!
Lady Gaga may have told us to just dance but she isn’t doing the running man in stilettos with a groomsman sidekick, who suffers from an underdeveloped sense of rhythm and hospital grade sweaty palms.
Did I mention that I was wearing double spanks.?! Saying that, I will promise of the day I will channel Queen Bey and booty shake the heck out of it.
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3. I love talking about your wedding!
I actually really do but before we talk about the ‘guest traitors’, who haven’t returned their RSVPs in the allotted time, please allow me to unload about Meg from work who may appear meek but is in fact a tyrannical, psychopathic overlord who is ruining my life. I need you as a friend as well as a bride to be, you ‘get me’ and I have things going on in my life too…mainly plotting to dethrone Meg. I think I actually hate her.
4. No, you aren’t being a control freak!
Yes you are. But that’s cool. All I ask is that you please let me organise your hen’s do without you getting involved.
I can do it.
I manage 16 people at work and an internship program. Trust me, I can handle a cocktail party and booking a mini bus. I really can. I’m 29 AND I have a first aid certificate and three credit cards.
5. I will absolutely hold your dress while you pee.
Oh God, is that actually a thing? Really? Just hitch it up. Or hold on. I’m going to ban liquids on the morning of your wedding or we can go shopping and find a dress that allows you to perform normal bodily functions without an escort.
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6. 6am pre-wedding bridal party barre fitness classes! Yes please!
PLEASE No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the most hung-over, sleep deprived, dedicated bridesmaid of them all? ME. No one should be putting their legs in these positions at this time of morning….ever. But I will because you are my mate who wants rock hard wedding buttocks who likes to be yelled at by a former prima ballerina reminding us throughout the class that she was cut down in her prime by a calf injury.
7. You don’t want me to cut my hair for 11 months because you’ve always dreamed of having bridesmaids with beefy, full, chignons!? Of course!
Just buy me a wig. Seriously.
8. I will absolutely visit 36 bridal salons to help you find ‘the one’.
For you anything, my friend but be warned, if there’s complimentary champs, I’m drinking it and I can’t promise to remember the specific details of ‘that cream lacy gown with the plunging back from store #26’ but I will nod as if I do and tear up at the appropriate moment.
Comedian and author, Aleisha McCormack is on a mission to convert all brides to #Bridechillas. Subscribe to her free wedding podcast ‘Save The Date Wedding Podcast’ on iTunes and Android, with two shows a week featuring expert interviews with wedding planners, bloggers and people in the know plus listener Q&A.
Need some more ideas? How about these gorgeous bridesmaid style ideas...