Should our parents have a say in our guest list?

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Will you be letting your parents put together a list of guests, or is it all about who you want to be there on your day?

Rex Features

 

Yes, says Nikki Foster, owner of I Do Designer Weddings

“In my experience, in most cases, the parents of the bride and groom still contribute financially to the wedding. I feel that this gives them some right to invite some of their personal friends or relatives that you may not be close to.

While it is your day, don’t forget that your mum and dad have brought you up and looked after you all these years. They probably feel incredibly proud of you and want to show you off to their nearest and dearest. 

‘Having a say’ in the guest list does not mean that they can veto any of your decisions, merely that you should create your own guest list and then allow them a set number of extra guests. We find it works well if you offer both sets of parents the same – for example, five extra couples each. We believe all of the main decisions regarding venues, design and suppliers should be yours, but when it comes to the guest list, why not give a little, and make everyone happy? After all, what difference will a few more make?”

No, says Lucy Watson from Lucinda George Wedding and Event Design

“Guests at your wedding should be the people who mean the most to you as a couple. Many couples nowadays fund a significant portion of their wedding themselves. Whether or not your parents are contributing to the cost, they are not entitled to commandeer your guest list.

Your marriage shouldn’t be an opportunity to host a party for your parents’ friends. Insisting you invite someone you’ve not seen since 1983 is an unacceptable parental request. Likewise, be sensitive with your selections; overlooking a close family member can cause controversy, which your parents could well do without.

Avoid conflict during the planning process by setting clear boundaries early on. Accept offers of financial assistance gratefully, while respectfully making it clear you’re accepting gifts on the basis that there are no strings attached. Invite friends who have enriched your life and will hopefully continue to do so throughout your marriage.”

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Read our quick guide to guest lists